Frankly, you’re all nuts. Confessions of a Search Engine

I know it’s terribly Web1.0 of me, but I rarely check the stats for number one search keyword that brings people to the site is my name.But there are also other frankly f**ked up keywords which for some bizarre reason (known only to Larry Page and Sergey Brin) link through to the site. Below are around 30 of my favourites, these are genuine Google search engine queries which have brought traffic

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I know it’s terribly Web 1.0 of me, but I rarely check the stats for

I have a simple analytics/tracking programme installed on the CMS used to publish this site. It’s not very sophisticated, but it can track the search keywords people use to get here, (although annoyingly not the keywords searched within the site).

The results are pretty basic and mostly obvious.

  • Most of the search engine referrals come from Google, (hovering between 60-80%)
  • The number one search keyword is my name. This is not surprising because (in times of extreme boredom and strictly for SEO research purposes) I ego-surf Google to see where the site appears! Try it: >> Sundeep Sidhu

But there are also other, frankly f**ked up, keywords which for some bizarre reason (known only to Larry Page and Sergey Brin), link through to the site.

Below are around 30 of my favourites. These are all genuine search engine queries from Google which have brought traffic to | The (original and unedited) search terms are on the left, my inane comments on the right: 

  • what number is sandeep Sidhu – Number one baby!
  • Cowfia – A word I made up to describe the Cow-Mafia™ in India. Bizarrarely searched for by someone
  • C*nt1 – I asterisked out a letter to spare your dignity. Someone trying to tell me something?
  • kleenex for men tissues in my room – WTF, how does Google know this? Serious privacy issues here!
  • sandeep+sidhu+india+dead – A little disconcerting. Wishful thinking from someone perhaps?
  • sidhu hair – Is sleek, shiny and receeding, because I’m worth it
  • characteristics of donkey in hindi Is someone trying to tell me I’m an ass?
  • how to cut goat pelt – Carefully
  • foi grois living conditions -See liver failure
  • where to buy foi grois – Try Harrods
  • gigantasaurous images – I’d like to make a tasteless joke about my ‘sauros’ being gigantic, but you’re likely to have heard it all before.
  • full length jackets Bombay -“ A Bollywood version of a Vietnam movie
  • “shaved head” barbers – Try Seville
  • goldilocks + goa – It was too hot for her, so she went to Torquay, but that was too cold, Koh Tao in Thailand was just right.
  • hinduisms clothes – Because religions have clothes.
  • hindus prostrating before cows pictures of – Damn cow fetishers
  • pagethree – Wrong website mate.
  • india 1billion strong or i billion weak – Mispelling moron.
  • lonely in mumbai and sad – I actually enjoyed it there
  • luxury squalor Mumbai – It’s tricky finding the right balance of luxury-squalor these days.
  • mumbay beach coples – Damn fake Mumbai beaches.
  • rubbish dump clip art – Disturbingly specific
  • Sundeep Sidhu P*rn – There’s a kinky niche for everyone I guess
  • sidhu tents – My next business?
  • patnem shops – …in the nude, he’s a frisky one that Patnem
  • – Why not just type this into the browser directly?
  • varkala gay cruising india – I really don’t know what to say to this one!

So there you have it, a brief glimpse into the disturbed mind of some of the eclectic visitors from Google to

I’ll update this page with more bizarre searches as they come in. Till next time.


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